Three months have now gone by since First Daughter left. She came for a first visit at the end of September and it was lovely to see her, but it was for a weekend only and a busy one at that. Time flew far too quickly. She came for a second visit last week, her little sister and I picked her up in Switzerland on Sunday, and she left again yesterday, catching the train on her own in a very adult way.
It was good to have her around for many reasons. Because she is much happier, she does not have that lost look anymore, she is instead focused and determined. She also smiles a lot more. I made sure we had some time alone, just the two of us, for example sharing a morning tea in our favourite café, chatting away. I feel that our relationship, which I once believed was in tatters and beyond repair, now does have a genuine chance to move to the next level. My baby has grown up and it will be different, but positive, I am sure. And if this requires us to live apart, then I am accepting it.
There was only one awkward moment towards the end of the week. The details are irrelevant but we slipped back into having a wall between us due to a disagreement. Mercifully this only lasted for a short time and I have to give credit to First Daughter, she is the one who found the way to tell me how she felt and to ask where the problem exactly was because she did not understand. That kind of stopped me in my tracks and I started to reflect on this. I thought about what I had just said and quickly realised that the answer was staring me in the face. The solution is actually quite easy: I need to sleep more. This requires me to let go of some expectations and to stop putting some much pressure on myself, and on those around me. There are a certain numbers of hours in the days and what does not get done will have to wait. I am determined to make this work and have already started. I feel great today after a good night sleep that was long enough to replenish my energy levels. I have First Daughter to thank for pointing out the obvious to me.
During the week First Daughter and I shared a lot of cuddles and kisses. I initiated some of course, but many came from her. And every time I held her just that little bit longer, because I knew how much I would miss the warmth of her arms around me until being together again next.
Photos copyright: © Jaytee Van Stean – 2011.
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