Two months have gone by since First Daughter announced her decision to go back to Switzerland and live with her father, which prompted my “I Am Not Ready” post.
These few weeks have not been easy. First of all we had to tell Second Daughter. First Daughter and I picked one evening when there were only the three of us, after enjoying dinner on the terrace. When I started saying that we had something important to share with her she first thought I was going to say that I was pregnant. Now for some reason she absolutely does not want a little brother or sister but will not explain why. I suspect that yes, she likes her “baby of the family” status, but more importantly she is afraid something will happen to me as it is clear she sees me as her “anchor”. She looked immensely relieved when I said that was not it. I then said that it was about her sister and she immediately guessed. She first stated that she wanted to stay here with me and Sexy Hubby, then true to herself launched into the practical aspects: “How often am I going to see my sister?”, “How are we going to organise the travelling?”, “What is going to happen during the holidays?”, etc, etc. First Daughter and I answered all of her questions and then I asked her how she was feeling. “Fine”, she said, then got up to carry her plate into the kitchen.
I thought such a lack of reaction was a bit odd and therefore was not surprised when she suddenly came out of her room half an hour later, asking where her sister was. When I answered “in her bedroom” she rushed there, threw herself into First Daughter’s arms and started sobbing. I left them alone for a while, and then joined them. We had a talk and a cuddle, followed by crying some more together. The lost and sad look in Second Daughter’s eyes and the tears in First Daughter’s broke my heart.
Second Daughter has since needed a lot of reassurance and asks if she can sleep with me almost every night when Sexy Hubby is not home. She said to me she understood her sister’s decision but was very sad, and that their fights had really been a “waste of a life”. They spend most of their time together and I know that First Daughter feels guilty about her sister’s pain, even though we told her she should not.
Things with her have been really hard, there has been a lot of anger, screaming matches, emotions coming out, misunderstandings, on both sides. When the two half term weeks arrived and they left to go to Switzerland I was actually relieved, as I urgently needed a break. Barcelona was just perfect and this wonderful trip with Sexy Hubby worked wonders.
The girls came back with my Mum, to whom we then broke the news. She was the last one to be told as she had been travelling and I did not want to tell her this while she was away. As always she accepted it, understanding the situation and the reasons behind First Daughter’s choice. She has offered her support to us all should we need it and the fact that she stayed a week did help. We had a lovely time.
The relationship between First Daughter and I has now be restored to something close to what we once had. She is currently at a school camp, but last week it was a pleasure to have her around. She has been kissing me, cuddling me and saying nice things to me again. It feels good.
After she comes back from her school trip, there will only be three weeks left before she leaves for Switzerland. I am hoping these last moments will be spent enjoying each other’s company. I have also been working on letting her go and spread her wings. I know I will need that positive energy when the van starts driving away on July 30th.