An Update On My Daughter’s Departure

Two months have gone by since First Daughter announced her decision to go back to Switzerland and live with her father, which prompted my “I Am Not Ready” post.

These few weeks have not been easy. First of all we had to tell Second Daughter. First Daughter and I picked one evening when there were only the three of us, after enjoying dinner on the terrace. When I started saying that we had something important to share with her she first thought I was going to say that I was pregnant. Now for some reason she absolutely does not want a little brother or sister but will not explain why. I suspect that yes, she likes her “baby of the family” status, but more importantly she is afraid something will happen to me as it is clear she sees me as her “anchor”. She looked immensely relieved when I said that was not it. I then said that it was about her sister and she immediately guessed. She first stated that she wanted to stay here with me and Sexy Hubby, then true to herself launched into the practical aspects: “How often am I going to see my sister?”, “How are we going to organise the travelling?”, “What is going to happen during the holidays?”, etc, etc. First Daughter and I answered all of her questions and then I asked her how she was feeling. “Fine”, she said, then got up to carry her plate into the kitchen.

I thought such a lack of reaction was a bit odd and therefore was not surprised when she suddenly came out of her room half an hour later, asking where her sister was. When I answered “in her bedroom” she rushed there, threw herself into First Daughter’s arms and started sobbing. I left them alone for a while, and then joined them. We had a talk and a cuddle, followed by crying some more together. The lost and sad look in Second Daughter’s eyes and the tears in First Daughter’s broke my heart.

Second Daughter has since needed a lot of reassurance and asks if she can sleep with me almost every night when Sexy Hubby is not home. She said to me she understood her sister’s decision but was very sad, and that their fights had really been a “waste of a life”. They spend most of their time together and I know that First Daughter feels guilty about her sister’s pain, even though we told her she should not.

Things with her have been really hard, there has been a lot of anger, screaming matches, emotions coming out, misunderstandings, on both sides. When the two half term weeks arrived and they left to go to Switzerland I was actually relieved, as I urgently needed a break. Barcelona was just perfect and this wonderful trip with Sexy Hubby worked wonders.

The girls came back with my Mum, to whom we then broke the news. She was the last one to be told as she had been travelling and I did not want to tell her this while she was away. As always she accepted it, understanding the situation and the reasons behind First Daughter’s choice. She has offered her support to us all should we need it and the fact that she stayed a week did help. We had a lovely time.

The relationship between First Daughter and I has now be restored to something close to what we once had. She is currently at a school camp, but last week it was a pleasure to have her around. She has been kissing me, cuddling me and saying nice things to me again. It feels good.

After she comes back from her school trip, there will only be three weeks left before she leaves for Switzerland. I am hoping these last moments will be spent enjoying each other’s company. I have also been working on letting her go and spread her wings. I know I will need that positive energy when the van starts driving away on July 30th.

18 thoughts on “An Update On My Daughter’s Departure

  1. Trish - Mums Gone to

    There must be so many conflicting emotions for you to deal with, your own and those of your two girls. The good thing is that you are all on good, happy terms with each other and the strong bond you all have will see you through this xxx

    Reply
    1. Funky Wellies Post author

      Yes, it is not easy but we do seem to have reached understanding, enabling us to give attention and support to each other. This does feel good. xx

      Reply
  2. Reluctant Housedad

    How painful this was to read, but it sounds like you have all reached a place of acceptance. All you can do now (in my humble opinion) is to ensure that you part on the greatest terms possible, or you will both regret it. And that means making the very, very most of those three weeks together before she leaves for Switzerland. Best of luck and best wishes to you x

    Reply
    1. Funky Wellies Post author

      This is what I fully intend to do, and it seems it is First Daughter’s idea too. Thank you for the wishes. xx

      Reply
  3. Alli Marshall

    Just reading about your Second Daughter’s reaction to the news bought a tear to my eye, it must be so hard for her too.
    I hope you can all enjoy your last 3 weeks together & make some wonderful memories together.
    Someone once said “if you love someone set them free” it probably doesn’t feel like it right now but you are doing the right thing.
    Good Luck to all of you.
    X

    Reply
    1. Funky Wellies Post author

      Setting her free was incredibly difficult, but I got there. I have a few plans to make these three weeks special and hope they will work out. It is hard for Second Daughter too, even though her maturity – in both of them, in fact – is blowing me away. Thank you for the support. xx

      Reply
  4. FayC

    I knew this was going to be a painful post to read and really admire the way you have all dealt with this as a family. You are getting through it and am sure things will work out for the best. Big hugs from Devon xxxx

    Reply
    1. Funky Wellies Post author

      The more I read all these comments, the more I am getting tears in my eyes! Thank you so much, and big hugs back. xx

      Reply
  5. Mum in meltdown

    Wow I could feel how painful this must be by just reading this post. I can’t begin to imagine how you all must be feeling, but you all sound so grounded and seem to have it under control now. I expect it will be one of the most difficult things for all of you to deal with come July 30th. Wish you well in your journey ahead x

    Reply
    1. Funky Wellies Post author

      The atmosphere in our household is tinted with sadness, but is now also peaceful. Somehow we will make this work. Thank you for the wishes. xx

      Reply
  6. Linley

    I take my time to read because I was sure it was not an easy text.

    Your daughters are great, you know. Their sensibility is an asset even if it is not easy every day !

    love, cuddle and huge !

    Reply
    1. Funky Wellies Post author

      Thank you for your unfailing support, it means a lot to me. Thanks also for the compliment about my daughters. xx

      Reply
  7. Mama Syder

    I kinda know how you feel…a little bit anyway. When we moved house and area seven years ago my eldest son didnt settle, he was showing signs of depression and it was so worrying. Then we let him go and stay with friends and family for a few weeks holiday hoping it would cheer him up and he refused to come home. He was living 200 miles away from us so not as bad as another country but I felt that same heart break and the yearning for him to be home with me. We have moved house closer to him now but those years living at a distance were hard although It does get easier and more bearable, I promise. Sending you a big Hug x

    Reply
    1. Funky Wellies Post author

      Reading this made me feel better, thank you. I was worried about First Daughter too, and I prefer she came out with her true feelings and unhappiness rather than sinking into depression. I am trying to remain open minded and have decided that we will make this work out. xx

      Reply
  8. Jacqui Sankey

    Reading this has struck a lot of chords with me from when my eldest left home to go to uni last September. The last year before he left was the hardest of all our years together, and I think it has actually done our relationship a lot of good now. He has come to appreciate us a lot more, so I do hope that it works out that way for you, as it sounds like it is doing. Teenage girls are a lot different to teenage boys and that is something I don’t know that much about, but I wish you both lots of luck and some fun times ahead
    xxx

    Reply
    1. Funky Wellies Post author

      Thank you for sharing your experience and for your lovely comment. I do hope too that being apart will improve our relationship. xx

      Reply

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